OLD BAY seasoning can be found on many things beyond seafood these days (including automobiles). They now market it in a hot sauce and you’ll find it sold on snacks like Goldfish, potato chips, peanuts, and popcorn. There’s even an OLD BAY flavored vodka (perfect for fraternity hazing although you won’t taste it if you go the rectal route)! It seems the nature of most successful product lines is to diversify ad absurdum. There is a dizzying variety of Gatorade, for example, and it’s not unusual to find them all shelved in abundance except the original lemon-lime that I seek. And with that in mind, I conjured up some new marketing ideas for the folks down at OLD BAY (originally the Baltimore Spice Co. but later bought by McCormick):
OLD BAY Gum (masks the smell of pot and booze for the teen market)
OLD BAY Bottled Water
OLD BAY Ice Cream (Marcus Samuelsson could probably make that work!)
OLD BAY Margarita Mix
OLD BAY Trump-Steaks (made with the Russian knock-off brand AULD VAY)
OLD BAY Shampoo
OLD BAY Hemorrhoidal Cream (with that pleasant tingle!)
OLD BAY Maxi Pads (okay, maybe not that….)
But I think I missed my calling. I can picture myself a niche player in the marketing and advertising world. Sort of as a cross between “Mad Men” and MAD Magazine… products so crazy they just might work! Man, I got ideas…. so many ideas… and so little time.
Great Exudations 