From whence you came, clear plastic baggie?
And what was it, if any, that your carried? To my mind, it quickly conjures contraband. But pot — though now quasi-legal — often leaves traces that the hipsters called “shake”… the stuff you’d sometimes find in the crease of a gatefold album cover. Weed had a nice earthy smell back in the day. But now, I think most would agree, it all smells like shit. And forever hangs in the air like the acrid smoke of a back-alley tire fire, which just screams, “healthier!”
At work I use such baggies for the pretzels that stave off my mid-morning hunger pangs. They also burn clean…
And what of the canned version of CORONA? It has the taste of lightly flavored water. And where does the lime go? So lame. A crushing and deserved defeat.
I once drank a TECATE that left my mouth so dry it was like having a stack of those saliva-sucking dental gauze pads embedded for hours. And for a time I was calling it “Tecate tongue” but that never caught on.
Dos Equis is better than both, by far, and also once had that terrific ad campaign. Maybe for the insipid Corona they could launch promo spots featuring The Least Interesting Man in the World. I’d watch but still wouldn’t drink…
Maybe the folks at PURE LEAF are on to something here. Let’s have our refuse more closely resemble nature so it can blend in after the final toss. Call the movement “naturalism” and they become the next hoard for readymade artists. That’s a win-win.
And just as it’s difficult to find toothpaste that isn’t whitening, you’re hard-pressed to find teas and other beverages that aren’t saturated with added flavors. “Try our new raspberry-chai-tree bark-anchovy energy drink!” Perfected, no doubt, in the kitchen laboratory at GITMO. And don’t get me started on fucking kombucha.
The world deserves better. Better flavor. Better garbage.
