“FUCK YOU, YOU MOTHERFUCKING SELF-DEALING WORTHLESS SACK OF SHIT!!”

Trump didn’t drain the swamp. He IS the swamp.

It’s hard to imagine the Grifter-in-Chief lowering the bar any further, but he’s done it. Yesterday, Trump 2.0 announced a new Swampland Slush-Fund to fraudulently reward people who beat-up cops and tried to overturn an election (based on Trump’s own brazen lies and disgraceful failure to acknowledge defeat). These are people who pled-out or were found guilty in court of various crimes. As he rewards donors and cronies with pardons, and grants no-bid government contracts to family and allies, his acting AG Todd Blanche has the extreme audacity to say, “The machinery of government should never be weaponized against any American, and it is this Department’s intention to make right the wrongs that were previously done while ensuring that this never happens again.” That’s fucking rich coming from the administration who shakes down law firms and universities, the latter over trumped-up antisemitism charges while ignoring the swastikas and Nazi propaganda in their own camp. Oh, yeah, and it’s Trump who has pushed for the prosecution of his perceived political enemies, and yet it’s only weaponization if it’s his side that’s the accused. The essential difference, here, is that Trump and his gang of derelicts have committed many actual crimes. Wake the fuck up, America. How this deranged cretin reached high office once, let alone twice, defies any basic logic. Until he gets carted away to a padded cell, we should call our country Amerikstan for the deep rot and rank corruption at its highest level.

And now a few shout-outs:

Todd Blanche, you are a fucking disgrace to the country and to the legal profession. To the AG who acts like the consigliere for this two-bit, outer borough mafia boss, just go fuck yourself! The same sentiment goes for his predecessor, Pam Bondi. History will absolutely pulverize your legacies. That’s something I’m actually looking forward to. Your names will go down as two of the most loathsome, miscreant partisans to ever hold that venerable office. As in, “what a Blanche-Bondi move.” Fucking pathetic.

Kash Patel, you are a fucking disgrace to the country and to law enforcement. You are also an embarrassment to people who can actually hold their fucking liquor. Get back to podcasting from the short-bus, you corrupt and obtuse fucking dork.

Donald Trump, you are a fucking national and international disgrace. You are, quite simply, a failed human being who is utterly devoid of a soul. You have zero redeeming qualities. Your jokes suck. You skin and hair suck. You lie constantly. You wouldn’t know the truth if we shoved it up your ass (which we really should do!). Your corruption knows no bounds. You are a mean-spirited misogynist, and a confirmed sexual predator who was very close friends with an apex sexual predator. You speak at a 7th grade level. You think at a 5th grade level. You are an impulsive idiot who knows nothing about history or government. You are an insecure bully who no doubt deserved to get his ass kicked repeatedly since fucking grade school. You’re a hack golfer who invariably cheats. You couldn’t win a Club Championship in the Over-80 Cardio-Pulmonary Rehab with Dementia Flight. Your most used club is the hand-wedge (same one you used on Jean Carroll, you foul prick!), and I’ll bet your haven’t putted-out since 1979. You clearly also cheat on your taxes (Todd Blanche’s “addendum” is basically an admission). You have no class, no taste, and no depth. You are, in short, a complete and total fucking LOSER. Please, please, please do us all a yuuuuge favor and, as they say on Top Chef, “exit the (fucking) kitchen.”

“Mythological Inversion”

Film remakes have long been with us. A Star Is Born has been done four times (1937, 1954, 1976, and 2018), and no doubt it will be revived again. I’ve seen recent previews for the third retelling of both Lord of the Flies (1963, 1990, and 2026 on Netflix) and Cape Fear (1962, 1991, and 2026 on Apple). These days it seems that every major novel and comic book ever written has been adapted to film, including now The Odyssey. There’s literally nothing left to do but remakes, as so many new novels also traffic in old familiar themes. Then it hit me: take the ancient myths and invert them. Give them a lighter and more positive spin, as our world is already so damned depressing (akin to TV’s “Fractured Fairy Tales” associated with Rocky and Bullwinkle). Sisyphus now works as a quarry master moving boulders down the hill to help build great monuments and lasting friendships. Theseus and Minotaur, instead of mortal combat, engage in drunken adventures while island-hopping the Mediterranean. Greek Mythology meets The Hangover. Okay, even that sounds a bit derivative but such great fun! Positive energy is what we need right now. As Cyrus, leader of The Warriors, exclaimed at the big gang conclave in The Warriors (1979), itself a retelling of the tales of Odysseus, “Can… you… DIG IT?!”

“They’re HERE… and they’re LOUD!!”

I started reading the collection of short stories by Martin Amis called “Heavy Water” and straight away he has inspired me. In the first story “Career Move”, we get a flailing screenwriter who has submitted numerous efforts to an industry insider but to no avail. In an angry letter after many months without reply, he demands the immediate return of several scripts, including Decimator, Medusa Takes Manhattan, and Valley of the Stratocasters. In this era of A.I., the obvious next step was to make a few corresponding movie posters. Man, this shit is fun!

Here’s a bit of prospective dialogue from the film:

Sheriff Conrad: “These goddamn kids are literally killing the townsfolk with this so-called music. It’s all psychedelic crap and white-guy blues. At least play a little Hank Williams!”

Bob Ortlip: “As mayor, I authorize the formation of a posse to shut this menace down for good.”

Sheriff Conrad: “It’s us or them. Simple as that.”

Bob Ortlip: “Here, take my earplugs. I’m halfway deaf already.”

Tagline: “Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. She’s bad and she’s having a very bad hair day. No one will be spared!”

An online pirated version has Medusa played by a CGI version of Donald Trump who ravages Washington, DC. Anyone or anything in his path instantly turns into dog shit (just as in real life).

(Per Google) Historically, in ancient Rome, decimation was a severe military punishment used to quell mutinies or desertions. A unit of soldiers would be divided into groups of ten, and one man from each group was chosen by lot to be executed by his peers. In our film, an evil scientist applies the same concept to the city that turned its back on him. In the fine print of his published manifesto it reads:

“I reserve the right, at any time and without warning, to change the bomb calculation to one-in-nine or one-in-eight (and so on) in order to sow maximal terror until my demands are met — or else to skip over a business that I particularly enjoy, such as Chipotle.”

“Yup, just like a baby…”

This gem was provided by Agent-99X

Apologies to my loyal supporters for this ongoing one-note samba of mine. It’s just so-much-fuckin’-fun to skewer the Grifter-in-Chief, who is dragging our country into the septic sinkhole of his malignant narcissism. We will eventually recover but not without much disfiguring scar tissue. This is for us, collectively, what they euphemistically call on the playground a “character builder.”