It’s a little known fact that the initial inspiration for Stanley Kubrick’s menacing computer was a bathroom doorstop in East Baltimore. And, believe me, this toilet was SCARY!
“HAL-100”
“FOR SALE: Once-Wet Masks. Two for a BUCK!!”
“Some hair days are better than others…”
“Urban Growth”
“Ahoy, Baltimore…!!”
Is it a guy thing to find favor in houses and businesses that look nautical? Or maybe it’s just a Bligh thing (rim-shot)! Wait, can we even ask anymore if something is a “guy thing”?? In any case, it seems more and more buildings these days look like ships and that ships are now shaped more and more to look like buildings. And surely that’s progress….
“Looking Up”
“Like You F*cking Mean It!”
When the tone lands right,
and the beat locks tight,
It fans out, out, out
With a storm-rush feeling
So get up, get up
Jump out of dead feet
Loom large and alive and
Then dance, dance, dance
Like you fucking mean it!
“Glass Mask”
“Hocus Focus”
Lens flare (or sunspots, here simulated by a close-up iPhone shot of a multicolored stone coaster) can be so evocative of late 60’s and early 70’s media. It says to me “I’d Like to Teach the World to Sing” by the New Seekers (1971) or “The Swimmer” with Burt Lancaster (1968). A fun parody music video could have all the band members shielding their eyes from the irrepressible glare of hippy-trippy nostalgia. Or maybe just do a re-make of “Billy Jack” (1971/73). The latter film, for the uninitiated, had an infamous rape scene. And my Uncle Bill took my cousin and me to see it in the theater when we were all of about 8 or 9 years old. But things were different back then. There was simply more respect for our institutions. We sat quietly through unpleasant movie scenes (more lens flare, please), and we also honored the outcome of our elections.
“Finger Nail”
There seems to be some uncertainty over who precisely invented the nail gun. But recently Biblical scholars point to an anecdote from the latter pages of the New Testament that sheds light on its origins. We pick up the story at Golgotha (Aramaic for “skull”), aka Calvary, the dome-shaped hill outside Jerusalem. Three men are grouped in whispered discussion as Roman centurions are amassing nearby. These are the indentured servants who will act as the day’s crucifiers, and they have just drawn lots as to who will crucify whom:
Crucifier #1: “Jesus H. Christ!”
Crucifier #2: “What? Which one did you get?”
Crucifier #1: “The one everyone’s going on about. The Nazarene!”
Crucifier #2: “Ah, yeah. I’ve read about him. Turned fish into wine or something. That sort of thing grabs the attention of the dark overlords. Never a good thing.”
Crucifier #3: “I got one of the thieves. Nice guy, actually. Chatted him up near the well. He seems really contrite about it all. The 3-strike rule is utter bullshit if you asked me.”
Crucifier #2: “My guy looks the lout. Snaggle-tooth. Scar on his cheek. Keeps scratching at his loins. And his breath smells to the heavens! He’s a nasty one, alright.”
Crucifier #1: “Jesus, Mary and Joseph. Just my luck. If he is who he says he is, then I am rightly fucked. Probably smite me the second it’s done. Best keep back, gents. Seriously.”
Crucifier #3: ” Naw, he doesn’t seem the type. Walks the walk, if you know what I mean. It’s against his brand. But did you hear the bloody Romans are now timing us on our executions? They have new productivity metrics for both ropings and nailings. They don’t give a jot about crucifixion quality. What’s this world coming to?! Remember the good old days of stonings? It was all clean-up.”
Crucifier #1: “Christ.”
Crucifier #2: “Jesus.”
Crucifier #3: “Yup.”
Crucifier #2: “You know what we need? A gun for nails. A nail gun. That would speed things along. Maybe call it The Punching Pilate!”
Crucifier #3: “Wait. What’s a gun??”
Crucifier #1: “OMGesus, would you two shut up?!”
Crucifier #2: “I’m just sayin’….”
Great Exudations 