“Glass Mask”
“Hocus Focus”
Lens flare (or sunspots, here simulated by a close-up iPhone shot of a multicolored stone coaster) can be so evocative of late 60’s and early 70’s media. It says to me “I’d Like to Teach the World to Sing” by the New Seekers (1971) or “The Swimmer” with Burt Lancaster (1968). A fun parody music video could have all the band members shielding their eyes from the irrepressible glare of hippy-trippy nostalgia. Or maybe just do a re-make of “Billy Jack” (1971/73). The latter film, for the uninitiated, had an infamous rape scene. And my Uncle Bill took my cousin and me to see it in the theater when we were all of about 8 or 9 years old. But things were different back then. There was simply more respect for our institutions. We sat quietly through unpleasant movie scenes (more lens flare, please), and we also honored the outcome of our elections.
“Finger Nail”
There seems to be some uncertainty over who precisely invented the nail gun. But recently Biblical scholars point to an anecdote from the latter pages of the New Testament that sheds light on its origins. We pick up the story at Golgotha (Aramaic for “skull”), aka Calvary, the dome-shaped hill outside Jerusalem. Three men are grouped in whispered discussion as Roman centurions are amassing nearby. These are the indentured servants who will act as the day’s crucifiers, and they have just drawn lots as to who will crucify whom:
Crucifier #1: “Jesus H. Christ!”
Crucifier #2: “What? Which one did you get?”
Crucifier #1: “The one everyone’s going on about. The Nazarene!”
Crucifier #2: “Ah, yeah. I’ve read about him. Turned fish into wine or something. That sort of thing grabs the attention of the dark overlords. Never a good thing.”
Crucifier #3: “I got one of the thieves. Nice guy, actually. Chatted him up near the well. He seems really contrite about it all. The 3-strike rule is utter bullshit if you asked me.”
Crucifier #2: “My guy looks the lout. Snaggle-tooth. Scar on his cheek. Keeps scratching at his loins. And his breath smells to the heavens! He’s a nasty one, alright.”
Crucifier #1: “Jesus, Mary and Joseph. Just my luck. If he is who he says he is, then I am rightly fucked. Probably smite me the second it’s done. Best keep back, gents. Seriously.”
Crucifier #3: ” Naw, he doesn’t seem the type. Walks the walk, if you know what I mean. It’s against his brand. But did you hear the bloody Romans are now timing us on our executions? They have new productivity metrics for both ropings and nailings. They don’t give a jot about crucifixion quality. What’s this world coming to?! Remember the good old days of stonings? It was all clean-up.”
Crucifier #1: “Christ.”
Crucifier #2: “Jesus.”
Crucifier #3: “Yup.”
Crucifier #2: “You know what we need? A gun for nails. A nail gun. That would speed things along. Maybe call it The Punching Pilate!”
Crucifier #3: “Wait. What’s a gun??”
Crucifier #1: “OMGesus, would you two shut up?!”
Crucifier #2: “I’m just sayin’….”
“FACT: Science has shown that you do NOT have to wear a mask to ward off COVID infection. Simply being in proximity to a mask confers total protection, and this is true even if still in the packaging. The only caveat is that the mask must be within SIX FEET!!”
“Looking Up”
After the Customs Service vacated the building in 1983, it served several other federal agencies, including the U.S. Department of Veterans Affairs. It’s now an apartment building. But on closer inspection, particularly eyeing the formidable black eagle above the entrance, one can imagine certain cinematic uses, such as a filming backdrop for “The Man in the High Castle” and other dystopian tales. Add a few banners, a few Brownshirts, a bad haircut or two and suddenly it’s Nuremberg 1934….
“Collect call from Leni Riefenstahl. Will you accept the charges?….”
Potent Quotables:
“Old friends cannot be created out of hand. Nothing can match the treasure of common memories, of trials endured together, of quarrels and reconciliations and generous emotions. It is idle, having planted an acorn in the morning, to expect that afternoon to sit in the shade of the oak… One by one, our comrades slip away, deprive us of their shade.”
Antione de Saint-Exupery from “Wind, Sand and Stars” (1939)
“The sun it shines outside the lines…”
An old friend sent me a coloring book, basically because I’m still in grade school creatively. I decided to buck convention and stretch the boundaries a bit, with an assist from Rene’ Magritte….
“Dead End”
“Radio Sputnik”
“Hey, Virgil, Stoneman’s cavalry squirrel-fucked us again…”
(from Wikipedia) George Stoneman, Jr was a US Army cavalry officer and politician of the Civil War era. Though born in New York, he ultimately settled out West and served as Governor of California from 1883 to 1887. His roommate at West Point was Stonewall Jackson — so many ironies and cross-connections to that incestuous conflict. He was adjutant to General George McClellan during the Peninsula Campaign in Virginia (both Democrats, notably). Their relationship was strained due to McClellan’s poor understanding of the function of cavalry in battle. Under General Joseph Hooker at Chancellorsville (1863), Stoneman failed in a bold attempt to get into General Robert E. Lee’s rear(!!), bogging down at a crossing of the Rapidian River. He took the brunt of the blame for the outcome and Hooker relived him of his duty, sending him to Washington to convalesce his chronic hemorrhoids (an occupational hazard of the cavalryman… also perhaps the reason for his “stone-face” appearance). Impatient with garrison duty in Washington, he requested and later took command of the cavalry for the Army of Ohio under General John Schofield, which was used in Sherman’s Atlanta Campaign. Stoneman commanded a failed raid on the infamous Andersonville prison and was captured in the process near Macon, Georgia. He was held for three months before being exchanged at the personal request of General Sherman, and he became the highest ranking Union prisoner of war (this guy had nine wars!). He is most famous for his crippling raids in Virginia, Tennessee, and North Carolina, memorialized in the song “The Night They Drove Old Dixie Down” by The Band. They sacked towns and destroyed bridges and railroads, apparently while also taking “the very best (of what was left).” It is an unconfirmed rumor that Stoneman had a wooden left testicle, though some of his letters hint at the fact. He was widely considered an excellent dancer, both by his Union colleagues and Confederate counterparts. His random doodles have been credited with inspiring the original design for the Space Shuttle.
Great Exudations 