Great Exudations

“The Boot & Bottle”

**Baltimore is replete with odd tableaus (July 2024)**

The ampersand has enjoyed a recent renaissance in the foody world. In Denver, you have Stoic & Genuine or Mercantile & Provision. In Chicago, The Girl & the Goat, Maple & Ash, Soul & Smoke, Longman & Eagle, Owen & Engine (closed), etc. These are in the old tradition of English pubs that was referenced in the Beatles song “Cry Baby Cry,” in which John Lennon sang about the “local bird and bee.” The Canadian chain restaurant Elephant & Castle plays on this same theme. And it got me thinking: what are other possible fun and interesting pub names?… Well, for one,

The Boot & Bottle

The Lick & Spittle

The Rack & Ruin

The Gawk & Shove

The Donkey & Snake (yes, a reference to the film “Couples Retreat” from 2009)

The Pluck & Shuck (featuring various poultry and mollusk offerings)

The Pig & Gristle

The Twig & Thistle (yes…)

The Shit & Shinola (The Sit & Shit is a subsidiary of paid, high-end toilets/bidets/showers for the US highway system that is currently in development)

The Puerile & Inappropriate (where you’ll find me, most days)

Other ideas? Taking callers now….

“Play the Cards As Dealt”

**On the sidewalks of Baltimore (June 2024)**

**As Oscar Wilde wrote in *The Picture of Dorian Grey* (1890), “There is only one thing in the world worse than being talked about, and that is not being talked about.”**

**In the words of Ronnie Milsap, “any day now”…**

“The Hidden Mask”

Behind the old-fashioned paper towel dispenser in a hospital bathroom lies a hidden face that is crudely evocative of early 20th century Cubist and Dadaist mask art. Makes you wonder what else might be lurking out of view. Maybe an original copy of the Declaration of Independence. Maybe a wad of gum. You just never know.

**The Dadaist Marcel Janco’s mask-portrait of Tristan Tzara (1919)**

**The influence of traditional African masks on Picasso’s work is clear in “Les Demoiselles D’Avignon” (1907)**

**Chrome = Progress. I say, “out with the new, in with the auld.”**

**The wall repair’s palimpsest evokes the infamous work by Robert Rauschenberg called “Erased De Kooning Drawing” (1953)**

**Rauschenberg’s big erasure** **begs the question, “what’s behind it all?”**

“Oh, Baltimore…”

**Okay, so the band FUCK YEAH, DINOSAURS! is from Pittsburgh and FERRETT is from NYC… but whatevs.**

Albums by Fuck Yeah, Dinosaurs! include:

Jurassic Drunks (2018) featuring songs “TerrorDactyl,” “Raptors on Acid” and “These Are the People I Want To See (Eaten By the Dinosaurs)”

65 Million Beers Ago (2020) featuring songs “Jiggly Jello,” “Life, Uh, Finds a Way” and “Bactrim”

Albums by Ferrett include:

Glamdemic (2024) featuring songs “It’s Not Hard To Let Go,” “Hat Trick,” “Drinking Beers” and “Amber Alert”

“The Navel Academy”

**Maryland is for crabs, wherever they may be — in this case, as part of a navel adornment (scout image for an abdominal CT).**

“If Medicine Were Golf”

“Looking Up: The Guggenheim”

**It seems to me the couple at left should swap shirts!**

Jenny Holzer’s “Light Line” exhibition presents written word pieces in various formats to challenge conventional power structures. Redacted government documents and Trump tweets are just two of the devices employed in showing how language can both bind us and divide us. It may tell the truth and also obscure it. Talk is cheap, but its consequences — from lies and fabrications that led to the Iraq War or to a Trump presidency — can be quite expensive.

“Match.john”

**Harbor East in Baltimore from May 2024**

“Have you experienced the awkward avoidance of eye contact during a first date? And wouldn’t you rather enjoy a shared meal without the unwanted interruption of bathroom visits? If the answer is YES, then you simply must try the hottest new matchmaking service on the market. For a breath of fresh air, visit us at Match.john for your free trial membership today!”

**After a public outcry by the ACLU over Baltimore’s heteronormative port-a-john display, a bi-weekly (get it?) rotation was established!**

“Lines Were Crossed”

When was the last time you crossed the line? What line was it? Was it yours or someone else’s? What was the resolution, if any? How do you feel about it now? Is the line still there? Taking callers now… on the line.