“What’s in Your Dopp Kit?”

Interviewer: “Tell us what you like about Jack Black Turbo Wash.”

Me: “It has a nice consistency and washes off easily without leaving a film. It works well both as a body wash and shampoo — though I’d advise a conditioner. And it smells really good.”

Interviewer: “Okay. What about Kevin Murphy Free Hold Styling Creme?”

Me: “It applies evenly without a heavy build-up. Plus it smells really good.”

Interviewer: “Excellent, thank you. Now what’s the story with Van Der Hagen Shave Butter?”

Me: “It has a smooth texture and is easy to spread without the wasteful excess of heavy shave creams or the drips and droplets of a thinner brand. Oh, and it also smells really good.”

Interviewer: “And, finally, how about the L’Occitane L’Occitan After-Shave Balm?”

Me: “It has a cool, soothing feel that isn’t greasy, and it smells really, really good.”

Interviewer: “And there you have it. Thank you for your time and your insight.”

Me: “My pleasure. Thank you. By the way, what are you wearing?”

Interviewer: “I visited my grandfather before coming here and splashed on some of his old HAI KARATE, just for kicks. You like it?”

Me: “It’s not good. It’s absolutely fantastic! How much would he want for it?!”